Statue
by delusional B
Summary: Santana Lopez, admitting her mistakes, getting on her soft side, telling her love story with Brittany and the struggles in their relationship, with a use of a song. ONE SHOT


This is my first fiction. And I hope you guys would like it.

please review and tell me about what you think. Thanks. :)

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><p><em>When a day is said and done,<em>_  
><em>_In the middle of the night and you're fast asleep, my love.__  
><em>_Stay awake looking at your beauty,__  
><em>_Telling myself I'm the luckiest man alive._

She had always been there for me, from the start; when I was upset, when I was nervous, when I was not having the best day. She had been there to comfort me when things went wrong. She had been the only person I could ever trust in. When she's with me, it's like nothing else matters, I could always be myself. She's the only person I have felt love. People may say she's not the brightest person but, they are the ones who don't understand. She's a genus. She's a unicorn, my Brittany S. Pierce.

_Cause so many times I was certain you was gonna walk out of my life (life).__  
><em>_Why you take such a hold of me girl,__  
><em>_When I'm still trying to get my act right._

But I was stupid enough to choose on keeping my reputation of Queen Bitch rather than be with her publicly. "_Can I hold your hand San?_" she whispered. I looked at her with a you-know-what-we-talked-about look. She understood. She tightly grasps her books to her chest, while I held my head high. She kept her head down, and it killed me looking at the only girl I love to feel this way. I can't even hold her hand, without thinking what will all these judgmental people react. But the only thing I wanted to do is hold her, be with her and never thinking about what people say, but…. _I can't._

_What is the reason, when you really could have any man you want,_

_I don't see what I have to offer._

_I shouldn't been in season, guess you could see I had potential._

_Do you know you're my Miracle?_

I know what people say about me, a _bitch. _I know. People only use me for that title. Puck and I didn't even count as a relationship. It was all to keep my reputation to not make people think I play for the other team. It wasn't hard to have Puck as a beard, and the sex was all good but something's not there. Something I have been looking for through a lot of people but just end up having meaningless fun.

"_I wanna be with you. But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean you know what happened to Kurt at this school?_" I looked at her deep blue eyes and hold back the tears. "_But honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, _" I looked away from her innocent eyes. "_you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious-vicious words._"

I can't hold this pain anymore; a tear rolls down to my cheek.

"_Yeah I know but, I'm still afraid what will everyone say behind my back. Still I have to accept, that I love you._" I can't fight my heart. It's the reason why I am coming out to her. I love her so much it hurts. "_I love you and I don't want to be with Sam," _I was about to make my point to her and express what I have been feeling but someone was looking. Again, I brought my attention to her_ "or Finn, or any of those other guys, I just want you._"

She said nothing and only looked back at me.

"_Please say you love me back? Please?_" I begged.

"_Of course I love you I do._" I could see the sincerity in her eyes. "_And I would totally be with you if it won't for Artie._" I furrowed my brow when I heard his name in confusion. She deserves more than that.

"_Artie?" _It hurts me to look at her; she still didn't get how much I love her. "_I love him too._" Then I furrowed my brow even more. How can this be happening to me? "_I don't wanna hurt him, it's not right. I can't break up with him._"

Now what? Am I just making a fool of myself? What about how I feel? Is this just nothing?

"_Yes, you can! He's just a stupid boy!_" I didn't mean to shout at her. But I can't hold it any more. More tears are now falling from my eyes. And I just can't look at her straight in the eye anymore.

"_But it wouldn't be right. Santana,_ you have to know" I can't begin to explain why I risk looking at her anymore. "_if Artie and I were to ever break up_" I shook my head and looked at the floor in disbelief. "_and I'm lucky enough that you're still single,_" She grabbed my hand, but I took it back and stopped her.

"_Don't._" I whispered.

She was hurt, I can see it. Her voice cracked, like she was about to start crying. But she still continued with a sad smile, "_I'm so yours, proudly so._"

I rolled my eyes, and tried to keep pull myself together. "_Yeah, but wow_" I paused looking back into her eyes "_whoever thought that being fluid meant you could be so stuck._"

I now am sobbing in front of her. I couldn't hide how hurt I am that she didn't loved me like I loved her. I really thought that she would've just break up with Artie because of me.

"_I'm sorry._" She tried to comfort me and tried to pull me in for a hug, like every time I get upset about something. "_You don't have t-_" I can't handle this now, I just can't. I pushed her back, but I really didn't mean to do it harshly.

"_Get off me!_" We both didn't say anything for a moment. Then I walked away.

I've never been so hurt before. I kind of thought that it would be just like a phase with Brittany like I could just forget about what I felt. My heart was cut like a sheet of paper when I see them together. It disgusts me not because they look pathetic together but it's because I am jealous. I want to have Brittany with me forever.

X0x0x0x0

"… _If I know that you spend even a little time sharing yourself with someone else, that there's one other person in your life that can provide for your things that I'm supposed to provide, it's just too much for me to take. And Santana knows that. She's taking advantage of it to break us up._"

I was looking at her from far the distance; she glanced at me for a moment, but didn't want Artie to notice. She answered him faster than she thought "_No, everybody thinks she's a bad person but she's not._"

I couldn't see Arties' reaction to what Brittany just said, but I noticed he was tensed up. "_God Brittany, why are you so stupid?_" I heard him. I saw how shocked she was. I could feel how hurt she became. "_You were the only person in this school who never called me that._" She was walking away, crying. He didn't do anything, just turned around with his head down scrolling towards the cafeteria.

I caught up to her, and turned her around. "_Hey._" I wiped away the tears from her eyes, she said nothing but only looked down. I know she had a lot to say so I brought my hand behind her head, leaned my head to hers and stroked my thumb through her hair "_You're gonna be okay. Okay?_" I whispered to her. She nodded. I pulled back.

"_Please don't be mad at me anymore San?_" She looked at me with those puffy red eyes. I only smiled at her and looked back at those amazing fearful eyes. She waited for my answer intently.

"_I could never be mad at you, Britt._" She smiled but frowned again. "_What now?_" she asked like the world is ending.

I couldn't stand her being hurt like this. I shyly smiled at her "_I'm gonna try and cheer_" I touched her gently on her nose. "_you up._"

"_aoow. Okay. _" She pouted at me, and I extended my arm to hold her by her shoulder. "_I just thought he was different, I guess I was wrong._" Her hand fell on my waist drawing us closer together.

_I'm like a statue, stuck staring right at you,_

_Got me frozen in my tricks._

_So amazed how you take me back,_

_Each and every time our love collapsed._

I couldn't just get to the point where I need to come out and tell everyone that I'm with her. I had been an awful girlfriend to her. I kept our relationship, I lied to everyone about who I really was. I kept getting fights from people who talks back to me, who mocks me as how the Queen Bitch is so bad ass for playing in different teams. But the most selfish thing I did was; I blamed her for everything and I honestly regretted it.

"_This, is your fault. You told everyone I played for another team in your ridiculous melted cheese show._" I barged in without noticing the room was filled with a lot of people. I had gotten so angry. I didn't even have the time to analyze the things happening. All of them were now looking at me and our conversation with Brittany.

"Wait, are you mad? You do play for another team" I could feel how the tension building up, I was confused how easy could she say all these things. I furrowed my brows together, to express my confusion. "you're in the Cheerios and now only in the New Directions." I tried to lower my voice down to a little bit more calm. I didn't want to make a much more dramatic scene that I have caused now. But couldn't help myself, I was too carried away of my anger.

"_And, you couldn't thought of any other way to say that?_" I waved my arms around to express more of my disbelief on her attempt of us coming out.

Finn and Sam continued to fight. Fighting over the precious-oh-so-perfect Quinn Fabray. They weren't focusing on us anymore.

"_I didn't thought that people would've think of it that way, San. I'm sorry._" She furrowed her brow with confusion she shook her head from side to side, making me feel so guilty; I couldn't believe that people now could have an idea that I am a lesbian.

"_You know what? Screw this, I can't believe this is happening._" I walked out of the room.

As I was about to go to the rest room, I heard whispers and I could see judgmental glances here and there. But I still hold the title Queen Bitch, so with just a look from me with a raised perfectly shaped eyebrow people would stop, and look away. I pushed the door open, hoping nobody would be there, which I was certain because of the quietness.

I walked up to the white porcelain sink, and looked myself at the mirror. I feel so ashamed. Brittany would think I don't value her more. Brittany would imagine me only wanting to be without her and making her a fool of herself or something. I wasn't supposed to be this dramatic, I shouldn't have to care about what they say, hell, I am the Queen Bitch. I sighed, as the door was once again pushed open.

"_Go away, afors I goes Lima Heights ons you._" I warn whoever that person maybe and I didn't even bother looking up. I was busy hating myself.

"_Can we talk?_" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I looked up in the mirror and noticed it was the person I never thought would comfort me in this time of my misery. Brittany. I turned to look at her face to face. I didn't know what to do I was too upset, so I looked down.

"_I didn't mean to shout at you Britt. I'm really sorry._" I didn't look up, I was too scared. What if she can't forgive me? What if she wants to break up with me and she would never be mine again? Why didn't I just talk to her privately? G'aaah! I'm so stupid!

I felt long slender index finger under my chin, she raised my head to look at me straight in the eyes. I could see how calm she is, I could feel the emotions gathering between us. She smiled shyly, and saw my eyes were now tearing up. She frowned at this. I want to let my head fall and look down again but she only added her thumb on my chin. I closed my eyes shut, causing tears starting to fall.

I feel so awful, I feel so ashamed of myself. Still I could feel her heavy stare. I scrunched up my face; forcing to close my eyes with much more force.

I felt her lips on my forehead. "_I want you to remember me always._" She whispered.

I felt her lips on my shut eyelids, kissing them one by one. She's taking her time. "_I want to cherish every moment with you._"

I felt her lips on my flushed red cheeks, like ther kiss on my eyelids, it was soft and gently. She knows me too much. "_No matter what happens, I will always be here to comfort you when you're down, and when you need me._"

I felt her lips on my nose. I giggled causing her to do the same. I slowly open my swollen brown eyes, finding a pair of beautiful innocent blue eyes looking at me adoringly. "_I will always find you endearing. You're much more adorable than a duck in a hat._" she nuzzled her nose to mine. Making me smile and giggle.

Then after a moment, we both fell in to seriousness and I felt her lips on mine. Her arms draped over my shoulders and mine falling on her waist. I sighed out of contentment. The kiss was tender and I sworn I just saw fireworks. Then I thought to myself, so this is how kissing really feels like, when you're doing it with the one you really care about. I've never had anyone like I have Brittany before.

She pulled away eventually. Leaving me with my eyes closed with awe. And as I gently opened my eyes, she was smiling at me, and I leaned my forehead onto hers. We were looking into each other's eyes needing no words to connect to each other. This weird feeling right now seems all too familiar with her; the butterflies, fireworks and love.

I pulled back to look at her, to see her, to feel what she's feeling right now, "_Britt, I'm really so-_" I was starting to apologies when I could feel her slender index finger on my lips stopping me from ruining the moment. And I quiet down.

Her eyes were perfect, her smile is mesmerizing, her being herself makes me fall more in love with her, if that's ever possible. "_It doesn't matter, San. I love you._" she shrugged at me, like it was the simplest thing, like it's a piece of cake. "_You need to know that._"

I sighed in relief. Knowing she's still here beside me, though I couldn't still get my act right. She's still here, my miracle.

"_I love you too, B." I love her too._

_Statue, stuck staring right at you,_

_So when I'm lost for words,_

_Every time I disappoint you,_

_It's just cause I can't believe,_

_That you're so beautiful. (Stuck like a statue)_

_Don't wanna lose you, no. (Stuck like a statue)_

"_Ever since that Muckraker thing, people are already started treating me differently, I got asked to join the golf team._" It was a weird conversation, I know. But I could never hide what I feel when I'm with her. She's different. Good, different. She asked me to sing in glee club as my way of coming out. It wasn't a bad idea, but I was having doubts, if I could really ever do it.

"_Well, what if I went first?_" She looked serious. I was shaking to my very core. I looked deep into her eyes, looking for a sign knowing maybe she was just kidding. But nothing came across to make me realize she was only joking.

She kept our eyes contacted. She came closer beside me, and continued. "_Come to fondue for two,_" she smiled at me brightly. "_I'll… ask you out to prom and…_" she paused knowing I was eager to know what comes next. "_I tell you how I feel and…_" I was happy; I tried so hard to wipe off that stupid grin I got on my face. I looked at the ground, knowing I couldn't trust myself with eye contact right now. "_all you have to do was say yes._"

She was waiting patiently for my answer, what would I say? Will this be Santana Lopez, Queen Bitch, coming out of the closet with her hidden relationship with Brittany S. Pierce who they have thought was only her best friend? I could disappoint her, she have done so much.

I nodded. "_Okay._" It really wasn't a sure answer if you ask me, well; it's just too much of a big step.

She smiled brightly, "_Yeah._" then nodded at me. I pulled her with a bone crushing hug. To my surprise, she met me half way. I've said it once, and I'll say it again:

She knew me too much.

_Ask myself why is you even with me,_

_After all the shit I put you through,_

_Why did you make your heart sing with me_

_It's like you're living in an igloo_

_But baby your love is so warm it makes my shield melt down (down),_

_And every time were both at war,_

_You make me come around._

When things were just so close I get the feeling I should lie. I need to, like, I have no other choice but tell a big fat lie. Karofsky and I were beards of each other, he obviously have fantasies about most of the boys in Glee club. He stared down at Sam's ass the other day, and that's when I knew I still have the most awesome gaydar. But nobody has to know that. Except for her.

"_San?" _I would know what kind of mood she's in with the tone of her voice. I could always tell. _"Why is it in the Muckraker that you and Kerofsky were seen getting your mack on behind a parked car in a cemetery?_" I always know every single time she calls my name. I knew she knows something's up. She knows there's something wrong happening with me. I keep on canceling our sexy times and not in the mood getting my mack on with her. She seems really eager to know what's really happening.

I kept my back from her. I can't resist those blue eyes. "_It's nothing Britt, okay? Just don't mind them, it's all rumors. You know that. You've been there; you were one of the journalists._" I rolled my eyes at myself for acting like it's nothing, but it's actually me semi-cheated on her. I kept acting busy, acting like I was looking for something in my bag pack so she would just drop it. But I was wrong when she took hold of my arm and turned me around.

I could see how confused she is. I could feel her shaking under the pressure I'm causing her. Her lips were trembling. "_Just tell me what's happening to us._" Now I could see she's about to cry. She only wanted the truth even though she knows it would hurt her.

I broke contact and took my bag pack from the floor and swung it to my left shoulder. "_I can't handle this right now. I have to go now._" and walked to the door, I need to be somewhere else. I could hear a sob from over my shoulder, I stopped at the door. My eyes widen when I heard the sound.

"_I-I love you, Santana."_ She knows I was still at the door. She had tears streaming down her eyes, and I was about to have the same._ "I knew that you could never be totally mine." _She muffled and somewhat like whisperedbut I understood. She might have her hands on her face, I've heard every word, and it hit me.

My heart broke. I want to turn around, run to her, hug her and kiss her. And make her promise to never say that I could never be hers. Because it's a lie I never intend to tell her. NEVER.

I was still on the door holding myself together, I held my hand on the outline to keep my balance and whispered to myself, "_You know, I could never be anyone else's._" and walked out the door. I needed to stop the painful feeling, I need to get away.

XOXOXOXOX

"_My computer was stolen._" Jacob gave me a straight face, indicating he was not impressed about the lie I just made up. She was there with her locker open, re-doing her makeup. She glanced at me when she heard my voice. "_Look, all I can say is that Dave and I are going strong and…_" I took a deep breath knowing now she's looking at me, not glancing. "_we're very excited about our…_" I looked at her for the moment but focused back at Jacob. "_prom King and Queen campaign, vote Santofsky._" I smiled at him, as if I forgot about the fact that she could over hear our conversation.

I expected the interview was over and we could just let everything said and done, but it wasn't, not yet. My attention was still drawn to the shorter boy with an afro hair in front of me.

He had a smirk on his face, I could tell he believed in what I just said, "_So two are in love? Soul mates so to speak?_" as he dragged the mic closer to me, I froze. I looked at her pleading eyes. I've never seen her eyes so sad and full of negative emotions.

As I thought of an answer, my eyes were on her. I just want this interview to end and stop all these hurtful questions, both my part and hers, I didn't look away when I answered selfishly.

"_Yeah._" She was disappointed, hurt, and dismayed. "_I would say that was accurate._" The last thing I knew was I sat just as far I as I could. I didn't say a word to anyone in the room. Everyone was all having conversations with each other, I didn't actually wanna talk. So to prevent any conversations, I had my head down. Then Tina sat right next to me, she mostly is scared to come close to me because of the ways I call her or the way I criticize her looks as an Asian, but not today.

She was looking at me, studying me, and noticed I wasn't being myself. "_Santana? Are you okay? You seem so down?_" She asked bobbing her head to the side, with her perfectly shaped brow furrowed right at me.

I looked up to her, and just shook my head, and smiled a little. "_No, I-I just…_" I sighed. I faked a laugh, looked down. I can't begin to explain. Wait, why am I even worrying? It's just Tina. "_A lot of things had just happened lately._" Then I looked up to a nodding Tina.

She smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back. She was looking around the room like a lost kid looking for her mom. I gave her a questioning look. She then looked back to me again, with a questioning stare.

"_Where's Brittany?_" I couldn't gather myself to make eye contact. I opened my mouth but found myself closing it once again. What was I supposed to say? That we were fighting? Then what? I know if I would say that, there would be questions coming next after next.

But before I was about to say something, my attention was drawn to the radiating beauty coming in to the room, along with Quinn. I just bobbed my head towards them to answer Tina's question. She followed the line off sight I was looking, and nodded.

They were both giggling maybe even having the time of their lives. I don't know how to explaine, but I kinda feel jealous. They were walking towards the two empty chairs in front, she knew I was looking at her, but she didn't want to look at me. I was just staring like some kind of statue; I can't do anything but just look. She is very pretty. No, she is beautiful. No one be more beautiful, she's the only one.

I sighed. I did this for us. For her. I don't want her to go through what Kurt had gone through this school. Because when she does, I would **never ever** forgive myself.

_Every single day of my life I thank my lucky stars,_

_God really had to spend extra time, when he sculptured your heart._

_Cause there's no explanation, can't solve the equation._

_It's like you love me more than I love myself._

I don't hate people; I didn't plan on making their lives miserable. It's just I have difficulties on handling my feelings. I have no idea on how could I ever express what I feel, because usually what I do is that I stay quiet, make hurtful comments to other people, make them see what's reality. But that's me without her. I am who I am when I'm beside her; I could just relax and stop making a fool of myself.

"_It's just a stupid crown; you could by it in a party store._" She ran after I walked out the stadium. I was sobbing like there was no tomorrow. I have sacrificed so much, I have hurt a lot of people and not just them, but myself and the only girl I have fallen in love with.

"_I would be an outsider my whole life,_" I know that most heterosexuals never accepts the homosexuals, especially in this small minded town. "_can I just have one night where I'm Queen, where I'm accepted._" The first thought was too late to achieve, but the second thought is never late, I want to change what I just said, I want to say, where **WE'RE accepted**.

"_You're not an outsider San, and you are accepted._" She slowly came closer to me, but stopped momentarily. I turn around, I stopped crying when I looked at her, and shook my head gesturing that I didn't understand where did she get the idea that I am accepted.

"_What? People in Lima don't accept Lesbians and Gays with open hearts Britt._" She was about to took hold of my hand but I turned my back again.

"_As soon as we get to New York I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony…_" I paused to look over my shoulder, finding her slowly walking towards me once again. "_… or Tribeca._" She stopped her tracks again. I was waiting for anything.

"_Why does this seems so hard, B?_" I turned around looking at Brittany listening to me intently. "_I've done what I was supposed to do,_" I was now the Santana Brittany only knew. "_I told lies, I've done everything just to have the crown and Kurt is the Queen? I don't get it._" Shrugging at what I said, it's just too awkward. I thought it was a challenge that I and Quinn would've been fighting over, but Kurt didn't even want this to happen.

"_You don't have to cry over this, San, you're better than that. You are strong. You're the strongest person I know._" She eagerly came next to me, but the thought hit me.

What if they didn't nominate me because they knew that I was a lesbian? I started pacing in front of her. I can't get the thought out of my mind.

"_They must've sensed that I was a lesbian! I mean they must've!_" I slowed my tracts and faced her from a distance. And waved around my handsof exaggeration, "_I mean, do I smell like a golf course?_"

She didn't waste no time on answering the question, "_People don't know that you're hiding, they just…" _She looked down, I know she was trying to get me to understand what she wants to say and stop me from being paranoid about people knowing that I'm gay._ "know that you're not being yourself._" I looked at her in the eye.

Damn she's beautiful tonight. I missed those beautiful blue innocent eyes. I missed her so much; just because I was too busy running a stupid-big-fat-lie of a campaign for Prom King and Queen. I kept her gaze, I can't help but stare at her beauty once again.

"_If you were to embrace all the awesomeness that you are, you would've won._" She shrugged.

All she just said was impossible, it's just wasn't me. I am no awesome person, I have chosen my reputation than my girlfriend, I have lied to her and semi-cheated on her. But she was still here when I need her. She's still the one who gives me strength when I just ran out. It's still her blue eyes that I long to see every night when I go to sleep, and every morning when I wake up. It's still her.

"_How did you know?_" I shrugged back.

"_Because I voted for you,_" She took a step closer, her eyes are drowning me. Her love for me is too much. I can feel myself float but she's keeping me on the ground. She smiled at me and that's the only thing that ever made my night. "_and because I believe in you, Santana._" our faces are inches apart.

I didn't even notice having my mouth dropped open. I was too focused on the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my life. I closed it in an instant, and then sighed. I know I was caught, causing me to close my eyes momentarily and shook my head. I tried to wipe off the stupid grin that's on my face.

"_This prom sucks._" I can't get through this without her. I can't. I looked back into her eyes, and searched for forgiveness from the past events, when I lied to her, semi-cheated and hurting her. I already was forgiven, she's already there. For me, and me alone. "_Now, what am I supposed to do?_" I asked her. I would do everything to make her feel I will never do a stupid thing like that again.

"_Go back out there and be there for Kurt. This is a lot harder for him than it is for you._" She handed me the tissue. She looked at me and smiled. And to my surprise I smiled back pulling her in to a hug.

I nuzzled to her neck, ecstatic to get so close to her like this again. I kissed her there. Our first contact since I got distracted from prom. I could feel her tense under my touch. I pulled back slightly to look at her eyes once again.

"_I miss you so much. And I am really sorry for the stupid things that I have done, B._" I fear that my eyes would tear up-too late, already strolling down my cheeks. I felt her hand on my face, I leaned on to the gentle touch. She ran her thumb to take away my tears. We're now forehead to forehead. I died a little bit inside.

"_I missed you more._" She smiles, I died a little bit more. I can't get over this woman. She's the best. I got on my toes, and kissed her passionately. After a few minutes, we broke apart giggling at each other. But, we fell into this calm silence. Then I spoke to break it.

"_When I sing the song for the King and Queen to dance, remember, I'm smiling because of you._" I could see her gin brightly, and before she could say anything else, I pecked her lips as I whispered, "_I love you always Brittany. I have always been yours._"

"_And I'm so yours. Proudly so._" She smiled lovingly at me, I can't even stop looking at her. She's so beautiful.

We both walked in the stadium hand in hand, Kurt was already on the stage. She squeezed my hand and kissed me on the cheek before letting me go. I didn't even care who saw what she did. I am in love with this woman, who loves me more than myself.


End file.
